Emily Chubbuck Judson1846-02-07A. JudsonPhiladelphia, PA39.9525839-75.1652215But art thou sure of all the future turnings of thy heart? No, dearest friend of mine, not entirely sure, for it is a very mysterious thing; but I suppose that I have seen the brightest, or rather, the most attractive side of "gay and fashionable life." I have seen it softened down, with its most beautiful features on--nothing to shock or startle; seen it in its most poetical dress. You know this has failed to gain my entire heart, and so you need not fear the glitter for me. What have you seen in me that could lead you to suppose for one moment that the-- 153 --parade of fashionable life would be agreeable to me--that it would not be annoying? Here I have refused three invitations to-day: two to dinner (one with one of the most fashionable families in the city), and the other two to a dashing party made expressly for me. I know it is the general impression that I like gay society--an impression which I have taken some pleasure in heightening rather than correcting--but I thought you knew my tastes better.With (not boasting, but for truth's sake, I write it) a very wide power of choice--much more extensive than would generally be supposed a woman in my position, poor, and without high connections, could have--I have voluntarily, and with but a single condition, founded on regard for you, said "all, all your own." . . . Is it such a very light thing to adopt an entirely new course of life--new in feelings, thoughts, associations, every thing--is it such a very light thing to do, that I can take it all back to-morrow, as I could undo a ribbon that I had knotted? The future certainly looks very dark to me, but with my hand in yours, if you will only clasp it close, and the certainty of a place in your heart, I can look upon it courageously. Dear Doctor, only love me, do not see too many faults, censure gently, lead me "to the enjoyment of higher religion, and to more extensive usefulness," trust me, and no place on earth is half so pleasant as "grim Burmah." I shut my eyes on all you tell me about it, because I know that all my conceptions must be very imperfect, and you can make gloom or sunshine for me. The place is not what constitutes my home--it is your presence.