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Emily Chubbuck Judson1846-02-25A. JudsonUtica, NY43.100903-75.232664. . . I must own to you, dearest, now that I am away from you, misgivings will trouble me. I believe that you love me with the whole of your noble heart; but I am afraid, when the whole storm of wonderment bursts upon us, you will--perhaps you will not doubt your having acted wisely--but I am afraid you will be very much troubled. I know that there will be a great deal said--a great many unpleasant tnings--and should I not feel badly to see you made sad for a single moment by having taken such an unworthy creature to your heart? I can not make-believe good when I am not; but I pray God daily to make me better and wiser, to fit me for the future, and make me a blessing instead of a curse to you who have loved me with all my follies. I will try to be all to you that I can, and to do all the good that I can, but I feel that it would be wicked cant in me to sit down and talk in the way that the multitude will expect. . . . My thoughts are not for one moment away from you; but I think too little of my Saviour. I do desire to love Him better, but I have a dull eye for the invisible.-- 164 --Still, pray for me, my beloved guide--pray for faith, spirituality, and all the good things that I need. I still think more of earth than heaven, "for I am frail;" but I find some pleasure in the contemplation of higher things; and a heaven with you, dearest! That is the visible link, my love for you. I am not afraid of loving you too much, for that love is closely connected with all my better feelings. You freed me from a glittering coil which was growing irksome to me, and you are to be my spiritual teacher. God will lead us both, but my hand will be in yours. It is His own work: He sent you, and I shall not displease Him by clinging to you with all the affection He has blessed my heart with. And you will not disappoint me when I have none but you; I am sure you will not. It is a long way to Burmah, and I have a great many friends to leave.